It has been 8 months today since I smoked my last cigarette. It's strange but up until just recently I have seen myself as someone quitting smoking. It wasn't until recently when I was asked if I was a smoker and I just answered "No", that I believe I made the transition. I still celebrate the milestone of the date I quit but I believe in my mind I finally see myself as a non-smoker. That is an accomplishment in and of itself. I quit smoking by using the drug Chantix, if anyone wants to know more about it I will be happy to elaborate, but let it be said that I tried EVERYTHING and this worked for me. I quit once for 3 years and another time for 1 year but I feel this time is different. I don't think of cigarettes like I did in the past when I quit. They are a non-entity in my life. A few times I have seen a cigarette on the ground or was watching a show which showed people smoking a lot, but I either walked by or changed the channel. I can drive my car, put on make-up, talk on the phone, read, and study, all without even thinking of cigarettes. OK, I don't know about the after sex cigarette yet, but when the opportunity presents itself I will let you know. =)
It is wonderful to have the knowledge and feeling that something outside myself does not control me anymore, I am looking forward to having this feeling when it comes to food and my images of myself. Smoking gave me the belief that I could do something this huge. I can't wait until I don't let food control me, or my desire for food. I can't wait until I look in the mirror and like what I see, both inside and out. They say you should love yourself, but I would be so happy to just like myself again. I would love to be able to see the good and the possibilities instead of seeing all the failures and negatives.
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