New Years Eve

I did really well with my food today, though I think I ate a little too much shrimp. I was getting ready to make some Mexican shrimp cocktail and didn't even start making it before I was eating the shrimp! At least it wasn't potato chips, pasta, or chips and salsa....

I took Kodi for a walk, did some squats, and some sit ups I wanted to end 2010 on a good note. I feel really good about my food and exercises lately. I was hoping to join a gym near me but I just don't think that is going to be possible money-wise. I wanted to join to start meeting other people and hopefully find some people to exercise or walk with. I am still trying to find a group of supportive friends here. 

Oh, I did some meditating today. I haven't done this in so many years! It was great; nice and relaxing. I had forgotten how much I enjoy it. I am focusing on a healthy state of mind and less stress. 

I hope 2011 brings all of us a healthy, wonderful year. I hope the end of 2011 finds us much lighter than the beginning, that we are closer to our goals and much healthier in mind, body and spirit!

Very sore

I started my crunches yesterday, did some squats, and took Kodi for a nice long walk. I think I would have been a little sore from that alone but I had an accident when I went out to clean up my patio area. Just on the other side of the patio is a slight hill. I didn't even think about it but after taking a few steps off my patio my feet slipped on the muddy hill =(. I landed on my butt and back and boy am I sore today! I did some meditation to relax a little but my neck is still stiff.  I didn't even think about the mud since all the snow had melted but it was there...

I am going to take some medicine and lay down for a little, I know I will feel better. If not I am going to do some stretches. I did some last night after the fall hoping it would help a little and I believe it did....

Challenge of One Goals

Following are my goals for the Challenge of One by the Sisterhood of the shrinking jeans challenge. By the end of Feb. I would like to lose 12-15 lbs. I have taken my measurements and need to take a picture (ugh)....

• Be more patient and caring towards myself and others
• Talk less, listen more
• Yoga/meditation @ least 3 x's a week
• Continue losing weight (be near goal by birthday in July) which averages about 6.5 per month by watching what I eat and staying on exercise routine
• Exercise 3-4 times a week
• Start squat or crunch daily challenge

The right road

Yesterday was a great day when it came to food. After much research I have decided to do a modified south beach diet/GI diet because of my health issues. In the past I have had mood changes when I tried south beach but I am prepared for it and will adjust as necessary. I am still taking the coconut oil recommended by Anne. If I need to adjust I am open to it but I feel right now this is a good route for me.

Last night I took Kodi for a walk and am going to restart my yoga today. I know as I go down this path towards healthy I am looking at things in my life that trigger eating or are generally unhealthy for me. The issues that popped up with my dysfunctional family were a really good indicator that being around them is not healthy. It's strange all the feelings that cropped up and how I allow them to change and affect my life.....

I also decided to do the Challenge of One by the Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jeans. You can check it our @ http://shrinkingjeans.net/2010/12/announcementpower-of-one-challenge/  I think this is much needed right now. I am not dreading it but then again, I haven't done a challenge before so I may eat my words.

The first step is to write down your goals and I will do that in a separate email.

Doing better

I have been working on refocusing and am doing better. I had about a week of being off track with both my diet and exercise. While I am not happy that I got off track I figure it has been extremely tense with everything going on. I am not focusing on the fact that I got off track but on why I got off track and then getting back on track. The reason I am focusing on why is because I want to find out what some of those triggers are for me so that I can be better prepared in the future.

I will write more about these triggers, at least the ones that I have identified. The thing I want to focus on know is a healthy lifestyle, which doesn't include them. I will write more later....

Difficult Holiday

I have been trying to snap out of this funk that I'm in but so far it hasn't happened. I miss my children and wish I could have spend the holidays with them. The issues with my family have just added fuel to the fire. It's not that I want to spend it with them but it does cause one to wonder how people who are so mean, selfish, and superficial end up doing well in life? It will never cease to amaze me. I don;t want to spend time with them because I know they will be talking about each other to me and then run back to others to talk about me.

I am working towards building a group of friends which is supportive, something apart from my biological family. As for the diet and exercise, I haven't been doing very well.....BUT, I will get back on track. I wanted to write down and remind myself that as much as I miss "family", my family is not supportive of each other nor is it healthy. It has also caused me to look at my children and try to repair some of that damage. I don't want them to make the same mistakes I made in thinking that just because you are related by blood means it is healthy. I want to encourage them to find a supportive family on their own. Part of this begins with me learning how to do it myself. It was so much easier to make connections when I was younger . It seemed to come more naturally. Maybe life has beaten me down and I don't have the self confidence I used to have. Or, maybe I was so busy working and raising children that I forgot how to do this?

Anyway, 2011 is a new year. It is going to be a healthier year in many ways for me. I need to remember that you can grow unless you step outside your safety zone. It's about baby steps and moving forward.

2 steps forward, 1 step back

What a rough evening emotionally. I did have some appointments and found out that I made the deans list which was extremely satisfying for many reasons. One of the reasons why it is so important is to quiet some of those "voices" which we all grow up with. Mine being the feeling that no one really thought I would/could amount to much, or could do this. Well, I am showing myself that I can do this and do a good job at it. Maybe 30 years later than I should have but oh well. I am also dealing with the fact that many of those people who keep me feeling down about myself are actually family members. I am trying to learn how to deal with this. The main thing I am doing is trying to stay away from the people who bring such negativity into my life.

For many reasons I did not drive the 3 hrs to my brothers house for Thanksgiving, which I am learning is unforgivable in their eyes. It appears I am "out" which includes, though it has for awhile, any updates on my mother who is in a nursing home near by brother. This is something I am struggling with, how can people just decide not to include you in emails when in concerns the well being of their collective parent?

One thing it has done is to let me know that they may not be the type of people I need in my life as I try to move forward. It is hard enough to become the person you want to be without carrying the cross of the past along with you. I just don't have the strength to do want I need to do and to worry/carry them with me. This is very hard for me as I have realized that what others think of me affects me greatly. I need to work on not letting their negative thoughts affect me so intensely.

I need to purge this negativity, mourn the loss of the type of relationship which I wanted, and move on. I do have a sister who is very positive and supportive. She also has the type of life which lends itself to one of support and friendship, something to learn from. So, time to take a deep breath, repeat positive talk, keep eating well, and exercising,,,,and NOT let this knock me off track....

Exercise has officially started.....

I started yoga yesterday and it actually felt really good. I did some of the dancing but wow, it's really fact moving. It may take some time to learn the dance moves but I will! I also bought one of those exercise balls. I wanted to use it to sit at my computer and to help with stretching and my 'core" which is in there somewhere LOL. Anyway, my dog was in heaven, she thought the ball was for her.....the "exercise" ended up being fun with her...

Anyways, I feel good that I am continuing on my path. More later...

You Go BMI!!!!!!

I started out just over 31 BMI and have made it into the 20's....yeah 29.97!!!! That may not seem like much to others BUT to me it is. Since I was in school FT and looking for a job I started by watching what I ate and writing it down (which helps me). Now that the semester is over I am going to introduce exercise and good ole H20, which I do not drink enough of. I will be taking my measurement today and will start watching those as well.

I was diagnosed with graves disease almost 5 years ago, which had just about destroyed my thyroid. One they removed my thyroid I spend the next 4 years struggling to find the correct medication. I am now on a natural (from a pig) thyroid medication which my body seems to accept better. Anyway, to make a long story a little short, I gained over 60 lbs after my thyroid issues. So to see the numbers going down is wonderful. I tend to gain my weight from neck to hips, with diabetes in my family that is not a good thing.

So, after over 8 months of not smoking, watching my eating, and starting a new routine, I feel I am on the right track.....For exercise I am going to start with yoga and dancing with some stretching on the ball....I think those sound like good, fun, and effective ways to exercise.

By the time I turn 52 in July I want to feel better, be ready or have already wogged a 5K, look better, and like myself a lot more than I do right now......that's another story.

Horrible dream

I had the worse dream last night. I dreamed it was chilly out and I was at a local college and couldn't find my way. I was carrying my purse, a large total and another square thing with handles. These items were stuffed full and everything kept falling out of them. I finally found a locker where I could put everything while I figured out where I was going and how to get out to my car. I can still visually picture where my car was parked!

Oh, I was wearing my black dress, hose, and my heels?? I put my totes/purse into the locker which was on the 6th floor. Some of the stairs were similar to the kind that went half way, turned, then went the additional way up. But, these only contained the 1st half, which would take to to a whole other floor. There were also regular steps leading to another floor. Needless to say I could not make sense of the stairs. On top of that, there were people EVERYWHERE; some standing on the steps, some sitting etc. None of the people would move or help me though they knew I was there.

I found the old bookstore I used to work for when I was in college right out of high school. They made me work because they were short handed. The bookstore had the really old keys and the letters had been rubbed off of them. I kept making mistakes (because I couldn't read the keys and no one would explain the way the register worked) so customer kept getting very angry with me. The customers would move to the other register (which wasn't opened much) or would thrown their items down and walk out. I knew I was costing the bookstore a lot of money and I felt awful. 

This went on for quite some time before I was "allowed" to leave, go find my things, and get out to my car. My feet were killing me because I don't wear heels...so I went back to the weird stairs and continued to try to find my locker, I believe it was number 632? Why would I remember this?

I finally found my locker, grabbed by totes and purse, then tried to make my way out of the college. I can't explain to you how mean the people seemed and how they wouldn't help me but gave me mean looks. I finally ran into a wrestler who asked me out, he was about 25 years to young for me and was on his way to a wrestling match. We separated as he went to his bus and I started making my way to my car.

My feet hurt so bad and I kept dropping things, would have to stop, take everything out, and try to rearrange the items so they would stay in and so I could carry them a little easier....this continued to happen for awhile, I was about to cry. My feet hurt so bad that I had to ignore the cold weather and take off my shoes, which I put in my tote.

After quite awhile I saw my car and that's when I woke up......

I don't have time to review/analyze this before class but wanted to get it down before I left for school or forgot it....It was strange and I could FEEL everything. Will react later....

Stress

ok, the stress finally hit this week. My house is a wreck, I have 2 more finals; math today and English tomorrow. The stress and burnout hot hard just before this weekend. I am trying hard to stay the course but feel as if I am failing miserably. I even bought and made choc chip cookies last night, since I live alone, there's only me to eat them....UGH!!!!

Off to school and then to find a way to change my mind set.

The semester is almost done

WOW, my brain is mush! I have completed 2 finals, competed the last of my research paper and my legal brief, yeah!!! I have 2 more finals (Wednesday and Thursday) and just need to complete my final paper, rough draft is already completed. These last 2 finals are the ones that I need to do well on....I am going to bed pretty soon so I can get up early and study.Wish me luck!!!

As for eating, I didn't do well today BUT I am ready for the rest of the week. I keep thinking next week will be better but I won;t have school or as much structure and that can be dangerous for me. When I am bored or don;t have enough to do I tend to eat.....I am planning on coming up with a schedule of things to do so I am kept somewhat busy......

I just keep thinking about the 8 lbs I have lost and know if I work hard I can make it to 10.....

I am a non-smoker, more to come

It has been 8 months today since I smoked my last cigarette. It's strange but up until just recently I have seen myself as someone quitting smoking. It wasn't until recently when I was asked if I was a smoker and I just  answered "No", that I believe I made the transition. I still celebrate the milestone of the date I quit but I believe in my mind I finally see myself as a non-smoker. That is an accomplishment in and of itself. I quit smoking by using the drug Chantix, if anyone wants to know more about it I will be happy to elaborate, but let it be said that I tried EVERYTHING and this worked for me. I quit once for 3 years and another time for 1 year but I feel this time is different. I don't think of cigarettes like I did in the past when I quit. They are a non-entity in my life. A few times I have seen a cigarette on the ground or was watching a show which showed people smoking a lot, but I either walked by or changed the channel. I can drive my car, put on make-up, talk on the phone, read, and study, all without even thinking of cigarettes. OK, I don't know about the after sex cigarette yet, but when the opportunity presents itself I will let you know. =)

It is wonderful to have the knowledge and feeling that something outside myself does not control me anymore, I am looking forward to having this feeling when it comes to food and my images of myself. Smoking gave me the belief that I could do something this huge. I can't wait until I don't let food control me, or my desire for food. I can't wait until I look in the mirror and like what I see, both inside and out. They say you should love yourself, but I would be so happy to just like myself again. I would love to be able to see the good and the possibilities instead of seeing all the failures and negatives.

Quitting smoking has given me the ability to know that I can change the rest, not picking up another cigarette is the icing on the cake......

Progress - Gotta love it!

I weighed myself this morning and I am down 7.2 lbs and 1.17 BMI since I started a few weeks ago. So far I have only changed my eating habits, or should I say I am watching and documenting what I eat. I am giving myself 1 more week of doing this before I introduce some exercise. I didn't want to take on too much at one time. 

I am happy with this, I tend to be one who wants instant gratification so this is a lesson in patience also. I made a few decisions which weren't in my best interest (french fries from Penn Station Subs) but it was ok, live and learn. I also made some great decisions such as making my lunch and taking it to school, eating breakfast most days. I am really pleased with how well I did this, it would have been so easy to just grab something on the way or from school. 

I did eat out once and we went to Chipotle (sp?). I decided not to get the burrito but the bowl, I still ordered my avocado because I am a huge avocado eater.....

I have not walked Kodi as much as I usually do, we usually walk between 6-10 miles per week but with finals and the snow I haven't done as well.

Over I am happy and I am bound and determined that I will show some improvement next week as well.

progress

I am doing fairly well with watching what I am eating. I am documenting it on a small notebook that I keep with me. A few times I didn't make the best choices this week but over all I am pleased. I am still walking Kodi and plan to introduce exercise after next week. I am hoping by then I will be fairly comfortable with documenting what I am eating  on a regular basis.

At least every day or every other day I try to read some posts  from fellow bloggers and that is helping me stay focused.

Overall I am happy that I started blogging and decided to make the commitment to concentrate on myself.

Almost done

Got through 2 finals this week and have one more essay evaluation due this evening and a meeting with my prof tomorrow afternoon. This is the class I am worried about, it could mean the difference between being on the deans list or not...I am a little worried. Two BIG finals next week so I will be spending the weekend studying but then I will be done with this semester.

A great thing happened when I was walking towards my 1st class today. The student government provided some "relaxation". I saw the sign and decided to see what it was about. In a room they had an oxygen bar set up (which I had never tried before), they had about 5 massage chairs lined up against one walls and 4 "things" on the floor. They were like tables with small blow up mattresses on them, you put your ankles in these molds. When turned on it rotated your ankles (legs) slowly, then increased in speed etc. It was supposed to realign your spine and generally help your spine. I tried all three (of course) and enjoyed them but have to say the "thing" that realigned your spine was VERY RELAXING and felt so good. It was a nice surprise and one I really appreciated. Very thoughtful of them to provide this free of charge to the students....

I think it is time for a hot bath, glass of wine, pj's, then finish my last paper.......

Come on brain ----think!

I am sitting at school, tucked away so I won't be interrupted trying to complete my papers and essays evaluations. I am really, really trying to get in the right frame of mind......

Self Talk:

I CAN do this, there is only 1.5 weeks left of school, concentrate!!!! Once this is over you will have a short break from school. You can do well enough on these papers to stay on the deans list. Once you pass this class you will never have to take it again! If you squander this time, it is time you will never get back - use it productively.

Take a deep breadth, put your head phones in, turn on some classical piano music (lightly), reread the essay to get back in the right frame of mind, close yourself off to the rest of the world.....you can do this, you will do this..................

Assessing the people in your life?

I just heard Dr. Drew and a women on TV talking about assessing the people in your life, I thought this was an interesting concept. They stated to look at the people in your life and  ask questions, are they healthy for me? Do they bring something positive into my life? I found this very interesting as I have been doing something similar. I have found that when I surround myself with negative people or people who aren't "good" for me, it has a huge negative impact on my life as a whole. The reverse is also true.

So when I thought of who was good for me, who was healthy in my life it made me think of what kind of life I wanted and what kind of person I wanted to be. Big questions. It also made me think of what kind of friend I was, was I healthy for others, did I bring something positive to other peoples lives? 

So, I believe, that I should not only look at people I have in my life but also look at myself and ask those hard questions and decide, am I the type of friend that others should have in their lives?

Productive day

It was a productive day, I got a lot done with my school work. Took part A of a final and got a 100%!  I have everything written down for my legal class and spent quite a bit of time studying this evening. Tomorrow is working on my papers and studying for my legal exam....

The really great thing is that I am feeling better. I have been taking my medicine and getting rest...could have been a lot worse... Haven't taken kodi for a walk or exercised much but I am trying to reserve my energy so I don;t start getting sick again.

I can't believe tomorrow is Sunday...this weekend went by quickly!

Saturday & there's snow on the ground

Good morning! I have been taking my medicine and am feel a little better. I did work on  a project and completed about 90% of it. I will finish this morning, take the test then start working on my 2 finals for this week and my papers due. Just trying to keep moving forward....

I didn't go very well yesterday with eating or exercising but I am going to try to do better today while not over doing it.

Dr Phil talked about the 17 day diet and I was wondering what people thought about it, they say it is a way to kick start a diet but I am a little leery about anything that is kept under wraps, figuring it is much of the same info we already have. Any thoughts?

I have been struggling the last couple days, with eating, exercising, frame of mind, keeping positive etc. I am attributing this to not feeling well AND stress with my daughter who lives in NYC. But, it is still difficult since I haven't been doing this for very long....I didn't expect to be having this much difficulty at the very beginning. Yep, I know, I'm not feeling well, finals etc etc BUT...I really want to do well! Enough whining, I do need to get busy......

Officially Sick

I gave it my best fight but alas the cold/flu has won. I have made a list of all the homework and studying I need to get done and I will keep plodding along..........

Good morning!

I am getting back on a better schedule, went to bed earlier last night and was up @ 7. I am still battling my cold but I believe I am winning (with the help of vitamins, zicam, and echinacea). I also made the choice yesterday to have water instead of a soda!!! For those of you who do not know me I  like my diet dr pepper cherry! I do want to eventually give up soda but it hasn't even been 8 months since I quit smoking, so baby steps....this too will happen in its own time.

For my last journal essay for my english class, I wrote about my new experience blogging and how inspirational and empowering it has been. I mentioned reading the writings of others (no names, no quotes, no invasion of privacy) and how it has given me much needed strength when I needed it. Isn't it amazing this time we are living in? We can get strength and support from people from around the world, people we would never have had the opportunity to "meet".

I am turning in a resume today, studying for a couple exams which I have to take next week and completing some papers over the weekend. I am really trying hard for dean's list status!!! On top of that, I am going to take Kodi for a walk and do the yoga that I didn't get to do last night...I think the stretching will really help. I keep seeing commercials for the nordic track x7I incline machine and really wish I could afford something like that.....it looks amazing but also very expensive.....

Today is going to be a wonderful, productive day........

Thursday evening

Math test completed. I feel like I did fairly well but you never know, one wrong step in the formula and it completely alters the answer. I got about 4.5-5 much need hours to study before the test, came home and was happily greeted by my little animals. No matter how the day has gone there is nothing like the reaction you get from your dog when you come home, talk about unconditional love....I bundled up and took Kodi out for a walk- about a mile. It was cold but I am glad that I didn't sit down I think I would have molded to the couch.

I am going to relax this evening though I am going to try to get some yoga in. I am taking my resume in to a store in town because a friend told her boss I would be coming in. This weekend is dedicated to my legal exam on Monday, my computer exam and power point presentation as well as my english papers....it's really getting close to the end....I really hope and pray that I end up on the deans list......

Time for the old flannel jammies..............

Up and at 'em

Woke up a little early this morning, what a wonderful change. Took Kodi out only to find an ornery beautiful dog, an Akita who must have snuck out.... in my yard. I knew I'd seen her a few weeks ago so I knew ABOUT where she lived. Have a runner (dog) myself, so I threw on my coat and slippers. When I went out and called out to her, she came jumping up thinking she had found someone to play with. How cute!

I was able to walk down the street and started knocking on doors, I could not figure out why people were just yelling through their doors or opening their doors just a crack and quickly tell me it wasn't there dog then shutting their doors, they would yell through the door they didn't know who it belonged to.

A few cold minutes later a young man ran up to me and I recognized him as the dogs owner. After I gave my playmate back to her rightful owner I trudged back home, wondering why people were so standoffish and wouldn't come to the door, it's not like I am some 6' big burly guy! I made my tea and went into the restroom only to see my hair standing straight up in back, which went very well with my bright pink pj's and fuzzy slippers....ok, I guess I realize why they didn't open their door...but hey, I had a really cute puppy with me!

Anyway, it's always good to start the day on a good note, doggy is safe at home! I am off to school to finish studying for my math test then off to my classes. I should be able to get another (almost) 5 hrs of studying in before the test. This one is on probabilities and statistics, which is kicking my butt.

I also have to admit that I bought a sub yesterday and some fries, I was just so tired...ok, never mind. No excuses. I could have easily grabbed the salad and chicken I have prepared in the frig. So, there it is, I didn't eat as well yesterday BUT I did better last night, and I was up until almost 2 a.m. studying!! 2 steps forward, 1 step back. I walked a mile yesterday but I need to get some more exercise in, I keep thinking, well these are busy weeks with finals etc. I need to get that thought out of my mind because there will always be excuse, so I need to exercise tonight. After class I am going to walk Kodi then do some yoga to help me stretch and unwind.

Looking at the week (now that it's Thursday), I have done fairly well. The eating went pretty well, the exercising should be better, I got a 100 on my access project, studied and took my legal test, completed 3 projects for english, and am studying/taking my math today. I am not as panicky as I was at the beginning of the week....which is good.