Difficult Holiday

I have been trying to snap out of this funk that I'm in but so far it hasn't happened. I miss my children and wish I could have spend the holidays with them. The issues with my family have just added fuel to the fire. It's not that I want to spend it with them but it does cause one to wonder how people who are so mean, selfish, and superficial end up doing well in life? It will never cease to amaze me. I don;t want to spend time with them because I know they will be talking about each other to me and then run back to others to talk about me.

I am working towards building a group of friends which is supportive, something apart from my biological family. As for the diet and exercise, I haven't been doing very well.....BUT, I will get back on track. I wanted to write down and remind myself that as much as I miss "family", my family is not supportive of each other nor is it healthy. It has also caused me to look at my children and try to repair some of that damage. I don't want them to make the same mistakes I made in thinking that just because you are related by blood means it is healthy. I want to encourage them to find a supportive family on their own. Part of this begins with me learning how to do it myself. It was so much easier to make connections when I was younger . It seemed to come more naturally. Maybe life has beaten me down and I don't have the self confidence I used to have. Or, maybe I was so busy working and raising children that I forgot how to do this?

Anyway, 2011 is a new year. It is going to be a healthier year in many ways for me. I need to remember that you can grow unless you step outside your safety zone. It's about baby steps and moving forward.