My Eulogy to Michelle

Following some words from Rev. Mary Woods about Michelle and her life, I followed with this eulogy I wrote about Michelle. I hope I did her justice...

This reminds me of a time when we were living in Tempe, AZ. Michelle had always brought home stray cats and dogs. This evening I was standing in the kitchen when Michelle came home. Following her through the door were a man and a woman, they were dirty and while it took a few minutes, it finally hit me that Michelle had brought home 2 homeless people. I did talk her into allowing us to take them to the shelter instead of them staying at our home, but for the following week she kept reminding me of all the things I had told her about helping people.

I hope you can bear with me because as most of you know Michelle was the one with the talent to get up and talk in front of people. Michelle was also a gifted writer with the capacity to express herself so eloquently. Because of this, I took the liberty of sharing some of her words.

Over the last week and a half so many memories have come flooding back to me. I think most of us would agree that her smile set her apart from others. I will never forget the many times we laughed so hard that we cried. I loved her sense of humor.

Michelle has lived in various states and made friends everywhere. She told me once the great thing about this was her exposure to so many places and meeting a wide variety of people. The difficult thing on a day like today is that many of her friends and those who cared about her cannot be here.

It breaks my heart to think of what we have lost. I am also sad for the people who were not fortunate enough to have been touched by her. When I get sad or angry, I hope I can remember that I was truly blessed by having her in my life, even if only for 26 years. I am a better person because of Michelle. I believe the world is a better place because Michelle was in it.

A friend of mine wrote to me about Michelle and was able to say what I could not. She wrote “When I think of Michelle I think of promise.  She was always a fighter and always moved on towards her goal no matter what.  She was small but she was mighty - a small package with a great heart.  I always felt that she had a spirituality unique to herself and that she walked with God - just in a different way”.

I loved Michelle’s independence, her intelligence and even the fact that at times she took on a little too much. She was a strong person but those that knew her well knew she had a tender heart and could easily be hurt.

No matter where we were, Michelle and I touched base or talked almost every day. I loved that about our relationship, and while I will treasure that I will miss those calls and talks terribly.

There are a couple things about Michelle that stand out more than others. One would be her generosity. If any of her friends or family needed something she would freely give whatever she could. She also got so much enjoyment out of giving to others and she put a great amount of thought into her gifts so they were extremely personal and meaningful.

In going through her things this week we found some cards she had already purchased: a father’s day card and a birthday card for me. This giving spirit lives on in a family tradition she started. Like many families we always put stockings up for Christmas and being a single mom and the one filling the stockings, mine never had much in it. Michelle never said anything but started putting small gifts she had wrapped into our stockings, this evolved over the years into the three of us buying things for each others stockings. The best part of Christmas ended up being those stockings.

Another thing that stands out about Michelle is her love of friends and family. Michelle wrote “Every relationship I've had (friends, family, romantic) have been a blessing and I truly care about all of those people and am grateful for what they brought to my life and in some cases, continue to bring...How sad and dreary my existence would be without these colorful people in it.

When Michelle was little we used to say she was given to us for sheer entertainment. As she grew I soon realized there was much more there. She had a kind spirit and a deep & gentle soul.

Like all of us Michelle wasn’t perfect. She made some mistakes, and in the midst of obtaining goals, lost sight of and questioned the reasoning behind those goals. What is clear is Michelle was learning, growing and trying to become the best person she could. We shared many conversations about this and I will treasure them always. In Michelle’s writings, she was reflecting on a book Steinbeck wrote near the end of his life saying “We can only hope that in the time we have alive, we grow, improve, and develop…not necessarily into “perfection” but at least consistently becoming better every day”.

In contemplating life Michelle also wrote “it is never what we expect, and sometimes we hate that and sometimes we love it. Hopefully, we just enjoy it”.

I was so proud to call her my daughter I can only hope I can make her proud of me, both in how I handle the loss of her and what I do with my remaining time. I ask that you hug your children, your friends and your loved ones. Let them know how special they are. I will always wish I had just one more time to hold Michelle and to try to convey to her the depth of my love for her.

So today, as we gather to mourn Michelle’s early death, we need to remember what she left us with. We have wonderful memories of her and the love she shared with each of us. To honor her memory we can all continue Michelle’s struggle for growth. We can look inwards and at what we need to improve about ourselves so we can continue to develop into the best that we can be.

As Michelle said “I’m going somewhere good in the future, because forgiveness and love allow me to overcome, and I allow people to affect and improve my life…moreover, in my desire to improve their lives’ I become a better person everyday”.