I thought about creating another blog or a separate one but decided to keep this one and change the direction a little. Well, I should say that I have been forced to change direction. I would much rather be writing about walking my dog and dieting but I will be wring about my life or more importantly my life as I try to adjust to life without my daughter.
I have wanted to start writing, or have needed to start writing but if I write anything on my FB page, I think it makes people uncomfortable. So, I am writing it here. For those of you who do not want to read about it, that is fine.
So, While I may add something about going for a walk, most of my blogs will be about Michelle, my memories of her, my feels since she has died, and the impact she and now her death have had on me and my life. I can tell you that 99.9% of the time I am in excruciating pain and the rest of the time I am angry. I miss her! On Monday it will be 6 weeks since I have heard her beautiful voice. I want to go back to talking to her every day.
I am struggling with why this happened to such a wonderful person. She was too young and deserved to live a full life. When I hear about some of the people who are out there and still living, causing pain to others, not good people and have little regard for anyone other than themselves...I wonder why not them, why Michelle?he was the one who brought home animals to rescue them (I still have a dog and cat) and then one day while in high school brought home a homeless could. I can still remember my shock. But that was Michelle.
I truly believe I am a better person because of Michelle and that the world was a better place because of Michelle. I am trying to grasp this notion of going on without her...even wondering if I want to. It is too hard, too painful, and I miss her too much.
Anyway, my blog will be changing as I am. Stick around if you want to.
I have been checking back here just to see how you are doing and am grateful to see that you are continuing to write, if for nothing else, to help you through the pain you're experiencing. I will never know what it feels like to lose a child and wish I could offer something to ease you through this. It's times like these when all we can really say is how sorry we are, and I am.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you.
Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. I am hanging on, some days better than others. You are right, at times all that can be said is "I'm sorry". Many people try to say more ad many times it causes more pain than helps.
ReplyDeleteI am amazed that I am still walking/talking and its been 6 weeks. When I was originally told about Michelle I would have told you that I would not have survived and probably that I didn't want to. But, I am still here...the pain hasn't completely done me in.
Thank you so much for thinking of me and allowing me to work through this by writing...